Introduction

This blog will chronicle the sessions of “Julie” as she participates in Somatic Experiencing® therapy, hereafter referred to as SE. The aim of these posts is to give the readers a first-hand account of the therapy in order to fulfill the requirements for the English 305W Final Project and complement the Final Research Paper. A brief clinical background on “Julie” is that she suffers from mild depression and hasn’t seen any long term benefits from traditional therapeutic modalities. She is looking to increase her resilience to the stressors of life and decided to give SE a try to discover the innate resources within. “Julie” is a fictitious character and any names as well as the details of events have been changed to maintain anonymity and protect privacy. Enjoy!



*Disclaimer: this blog is not meant to treat or diagnose any illness. It is merely an overview of Somatic Experiencing and does not provide an exhaustive representation of the various styles and techniques utilized within the framework of a SE session. Please do not try this at home. Different situations require specific tools or techniques, so please consult a professional.

My First SE Session!

My Previous Therapeutic Experience

Today is my first SE session with Sherri! It is definitely different than most therapy I’ve tried to treat my depression. Her office was beautiful and well-appointed and it even had a plant! Sherri greets me with a warm smile and friendly disposition. I just feel like I am making the right choice by giving SE a try the moment I walk into her office. So, she starts the session by explaining SE to me. She says that this form of therapy’s goal is to help regulate and restore balance to my nervous system. It is to help me feel more alive. She explains that there is nothing wrong with me and that the nervous system is just using its built in techniques to deal with stress. Immediately, I feel better because I’ve thought there is something wrong with me for years! 

Hoberman's Sphere

She shows me how the nervous system expands and contracts with a Hoberman’s Sphere. In our systems there is a natural state of fluctuation and she says that we are going to do some work to assist my nervous system in having more flexibility. I am excited at the thought of working with my nervous system to support it in having more resilience to the stressors of life. I’ll give anything a try at this point!

Sherri tells me about a couple new concepts, such as orienting and tracking. She says that since the eyes are closely related to the autonomic nervous system that we will use looking around the room as a means to allow the body to settle and to access that part of my system. She also explains how we are going to track the emotions and more specifically the sensations in my body. She says that she is going to ask me about those sensations. I tell her that I don’t really get what she means by sensations. Then, as a demonstration, she asks me to touch the carpet and I tell her that it feels smooth and soft. She says that sensations are similar to that in the body. She asks me to then focus on my stomach and report what I could sense. Now, I’ve never done this before, but when I turn my attention to my stomach, I tell her that it feels tight and that there is some pressure there. I guess I can feel sensations in my body!

  

As time passes I start to feel more relaxed and then she asks me if I am ready to begin. I say “Yes! Let’s start.” She is sitting in a chair in front of me and she asks me to just take a moment to look around her office and asks me if there is anything in particular that draws my attention. She let me know it is ok to let my eyes go where they want. As I look around her office, I can feel my body calming down even more. My eyes seem to fall on the beautiful blue color of a painting that she has on the wall. She asks me what I see and I tell her what I am looking at. She then asks if I can notice any sensations in my body. I tell her that I can feel a tingling in my chest. She asks if I can just be with that for a little bit and see what happens next. As I do my best to be present with the sensation, I start to have thoughts and images arise. She asks me what I notice and I tell her that I am thinking about my sister and there is a memory of a game that we use to play. She told me to just stay with that and allow whatever comes up to come up. As I do this, I feel some sadness start to arise and she asks me to describe the sensations in my body. I tell her that I can feel lightness in my upper chest and that the sadness seems to be more like joy or the feeling of being touched. She asks if I can just be with that and continue to notice the sensations.

As the session continues, I have a memory come up of how a kid was mean to me during recess and pulled my hair. Immediately anger, sadness, and fear starts to come up. She asks me if I could tell a difference between the emotions in my body. Amazingly, when I really focus in my body, I could tell that there is a difference between all those emotions in my body. She asks which one I would like to focus on and I tell her the fear. So, I let my body tremble and shake. After a little bit it starts to become intense. At the point where I don’t think I can handle it anymore, Sherri asks me if I can feel my feet and she directs me to look around the room to see if I can notice the blue color on the painting. As I look at the blue in the painting, I start to calm down and feel that love with my sister again. She asks if I could just be with those sensations. Once again, I had fear, anger and sadness come up out of the blue. She asks if she could put her feet next to mine. Wow, I wouldn’t have guessed that someone’s feet next to mine would be so comforting when I am upset. As she puts her feet next to mine, she asks if the fear, anger, or sadness wants to say something. I tell her that it wants to say “I hate you for pulling my hair.” She asks me to say it again and as I do I feel a sense of empowerment. I do not think I have ever said “I hate you” out loud, ever! 

I feel accepted and embraced by Sherri

I feel so accepted by Sherri, as if it is ok for me to express and feel those emotions. She asks me if the feeling of empowerment has any sensations and it did, so I begin to focus on those. I start to feel more relaxed and I even burped. Ooops. She said that is nothing to worry about and it is normal in this process. She asks me to look around the room again and to feel my body being supported by the chair. She asks how I am feeling and to be honest I am enjoying the good sensations in my body. I haven’t felt those in a long time!  

As the session draws to a close she gives me some SE homework and asks me to orient to pleasure. She explains that when I feel those good sensations in the body to allow myself to experience them. She also asks me to seek out nourishing activities, such as going for a walk, taking a hot bath, or journaling. The last part of the homework involves paying close attention to my dreams over the next week until we meet again. I thought that this seems simple enough and we schedule the next appointment. 

My SE Homework! Ahhhh!

Week 1

Reorganizing the Nervous System

Ok, so I just got an email from Sherri, which contains a link to a YouTube video showing a polar bear shaking, kind of like I did the other day in her office but a milder version! She tells me it is just part of my nervous system discharging stored energy and it is called neurogenic tremors. I ask her if that means I am epileptic and she lets me know that shaking, heat, tremors, and even burping are a normal part of the process of trauma negotiation in SE! Despite its appearance, she says, the shaking and other activities of the body actually help the nervous system become more organized. Awesome, so I do not have to feel weird about my body doing these crazy things that seem to happen on their own! Whew! 

Something struck me about her email. Trauma. That word. I have never thought of my life experiences as being traumatic. I mean, I had a pretty normal childhood and I haven’t been in any major accidents. No broken bones, no hostage situation, no sexual abuse, no natural disasters. I mean I have lived a pretty sheltered life. That’s why my depression makes absolutely no sense to me! I’ll have to ask Sherri about trauma the next time we meet. Hopefully, I’ll remember! Maybe I should write myself a note? I think I will!

I did not think that the SE homework would be difficult, but focusing on the good stuff is harder than I thought! I had not realized how resistant I am to doing that! Crazy! Also, I have been having some strange dreams, such as meeting the boy that pulled my hair during recess and both of us getting along as if we are best buddies. Weird! I had another dream about my mother, which made me kind of sad. 

Anyway, I didn’t think that the session with Sherri was anything big. I mean she just told me to look around the room and tell her what I was sensing. Yet, I still feel drawn to go back for another session. I’ll give it another try! Why not! I’ve got nothing to lose.

References

“Polar Bear tremoring after a stressful event.” YouTube, n.d. Web. 23 February 2013.

 

Second Session

 As I get ready to enter Sherri’s office I check my “To Do” list for the day because I know I am extremely forgetful and must write everything down. I mean everything. I even bump into walls and stationary objects as if they moved just as I was walking by so that I can run into them. How rude! I can never seem to remember where I put things either. Anyway, I look at my notes and realize that I absolutely must talk to Sherri about trauma. What does she mean by that? Does she think that I am traumatized by someone or something? Oh No! I hope there aren’t any deep dark secrets lurking in my psyche. The last thing I want to find out is that my father’s step brother molested me when I was 3 or something ridiculous like that. So, I walk into Sherri’s office and ask her about trauma. I explain to her how reading that word in her email seemed to really trigger something in me. I told her that I am not traumatized and that there is just something wrong with my brain!

The Body Can Heal Itself!

She smiles softly and listens intently as I explain this to her and she responds effortlessly. She tells me that trauma takes many different forms and that she did not mean to imply that I am a damaged and traumatized person. She says that she thinks I am doing great! She starts listing my accomplishments: MBA, home ownership, a beautiful dog, and really great friends that care about me. I start to blush and then she goes on to ask me if I would consider the following things traumatizing: sudden loud noises around a child or baby, fender benders, being left alone as a child, illness, falling off a bike, birth stress for the baby or mother, exposure to extreme heat or cold as a kid, witnessing someone being hit or robbed, listening or watching people have a screaming match as a child, or your mother or father promising to spend time with you but at the last minute going out with their friends and leaving you with a babysitter. I tell her that I do not consider any of those things to be traumatizing events and that I have experienced all of those things she listed, except I am not too sure about the birth stress. Although, I do remember my mother saying she was in labor for 23 hours before she decided to have a C-section. I guess that could be considered birth stress. I know that would stress me out! Ok, I told her I have experienced everything she listed. She tells me that all of those events can be considered trauma inducing events. I was in shock. I had no idea. 

Now that it’s sinking in bit, I do remember how some of those things were hard to deal with but “I am a big girl and big girls do not cry.” So, I just walked straight ahead, no matter what, with my head held high and did my best to forget about things that were upsetting to me. I guess, I did the best I could at the time. There is no sense in crying over spilled milk. 

Sherri begins to ask me how the homework went over the past week and I told her that I had a really hard time with allowing myself to feel the good sensations that would happen in my body. I would seem to shut down, or clamp down. She said it is perfectly normal and that with SE over time, I will feel more and more comfortable experiencing those pleasant sensations. She said to just practice a little every day, even if it is just for 10 seconds. She said that I could take baby steps with this. I felt so relieved because I didn’t think I was living up to her expectations of me. Good, I am glad that is out of the way and I can feel ok with taking things slow and not forcing myself to do anything. She tells me that SE is about being supportive of my body and the nervous system. It is not about forcing yourself do things that you aren’t ready to do. It is about self-care and listening to my body.

We start the session and I have a memory come up of my childhood cat disappearing when I was 7 years old, the night before a big move. I was so distraught that we were leaving our home to live with my grandparents. To top that, my cat was missing and I couldn’t stay and look for him. He was gone, forever, just like my childhood home would be the following day as we finished packing up our stuff. Needless to say, I never found my cat and I guess I feel like there has been a hole in my heart ever since then. It is interesting, I haven’t thought of this for at least a decade. I am shocked at how much emotion is involved with this! Sherri works with me and asks me to notice what I am feeling in my body. She also asks if there is a particular shape or color to the sensations, as well as, any feeling of heat. She asks me to consider what would be the opposite of those colors and shapes that I told her about and if there are any associated images that arise. I notice that an image of a red bucket arises and we just track the sensations of that. For some odd reason the red bucket seems to be rather soothing and I start rocking back and forth very slightly. 

Chloe-My Cute Dog

As the session draws to a close, I realize that I have the power to use my imagination to make me feel better concerning events that are upsetting. I am so excited to see how I can use this with memories that come up this week. For my SE homework, Sherri asks me to take a 10 minute walk every day and to make it a point to spend extra time playing with my dog this week. Of course, this is in addition to the 10 seconds that I allow myself to experience good sensations in my body. I tell her that I can do that but I might have to change the 10 minute walk to 5 minutes. I can probably commit to 5 not 10. We set the next appointment for a week out.  

References

Levine, Peter. Healing Trauma. Boulder: Sounds True, 2008. Print.